Thursday, May 17, 2012
Puttin On A Happy Face
Well I admit to having these feelings as well. For me it's those moms who are the picture of perfect health and do everything with their kids. They have it all together and make it seem effortless. It doesn't feel good to be jealous or wanting for something, but I suspect the majority of us feel like we are not good enough or don't have enough or will never be enough. I have learned though that if you look closely, you will see everyone is struggling with something.
And let's face it, it's easier to look in the mirror and feel better if you have a cute haircut, nice outfit and some make up on. Sometimes we can appear to be "perfect" when we are really feeling less than that. If you are not feeling your best for what ever reason, it is not helpful when people say " Hey, you look like hell, what's wrong?" It just makes you feel worse. So we put on a "happy face" and trudge along.
I got a good lesson in this recently when I had to email a friend and ask if she was mad at me. We used to talk quite often, so when I was leaving messages and emailing and getting no response I automatically assumed I had done or said something to upset her. The response I got back caught me by surprise. She said she had been dealing with some health problems and didn't want to burden me with it since I seemed so happy last time we spoke.
I immediately thought wow, that's how it looks to others? I told her I am just trying to focus on positive things, especially when speaking to other people. I told her I too had things that I was struggling with and sometimes cried all day while my kids were at school.
I have another friend who I always think, she is so happy, she does so much for and with her family. While I of course I am glad for her cause she deserves it. I couldn't help but think, hhhmmmm, what can I do differently to further my healing so I can be so active, I'm getting left in the dust. One day while talking with her I realized she was having lots of the same issues I was, she just didn't make it part of her daily conversation.
I'm sure you have heard the saying "Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." Or the one about being kindest to those who are rudest to you, because they need it the most, something like that. Maybe the person who shouted at you in line at the grocery store just found out his wife has cancer. Or maybe the person who cut you off in traffic is trying to get home before their kids go to bed, because they haven't seen them all day.
I'm not saying that we should spend every moment dwelling on our problems or constantly speak of them and nothing else. But when you are struggling that is the time you feel most alone, like everyone else is OK and you're not. Especially if you don't have a good support system of friends or family. We tend to pull back and stop talking to others. We don't want anyone especially ourselves to know anything is wrong. It's OK to ask for a hug if you need it, or ask someone to go to a doctor's appointment that you are concerned about. How about a support group, these people are all going through the same thing you are.
When I stopped and thought about how I wasn't the only one going through something. I felt less lonely and more connected to my fellow man. Even though there are things we must go through ourselves, we are never really alone. So if you are going through something remember to take it easy on yourself. And if someone is less than kind to you just keep in mind they may be going through something that you will never know about. They may be looking at you like you have everything they desire and lash out because they feel bad about themselves.
I'm just saying that we are all perfect just the way we are. We all need love and support sometimes, we don't have to pretend that we don't. We are all in this great big boat together. Let's be kind to ourselves and eachother. For that hand that you offer someone in need will be there for you when you need it.
Love to all